To whom it may concern:
To anyone who feels not good enough….
I always liked writing letters. These days we are writing more emails, but I feel that writing letters can be more personal. Letter we can read over and over and often every time we read it over, we can experience something different. Writing letters help us to be more connected with the person to whom it may concern.
This letter is for people who would like to experience more Freedom from ‘Not Good Enough Syndrome.
Feeling ‘not good enough’ is more common than we realise, especially when we are experiencing Eating Distress/Eating Disorder.
There was never a point where we stopped being good enough, but rather a point when as a society we became more competitive and externally driven thereby creating the opportunity to feel not good enough. Long ago human focus was on basic survival. But we’ve shifted our focus from surviving to thriving in a fast-paced, ego-driven world. We spend so much of our adult life trying to feel good about ourselves. There is always something that we’d like to be more, better, or different in our lives.
Being ‘the best’ at something is what many consider to be a key ingredient to success in life which is why the bar has been set so high. The constant opportunity to compare ourselves to others, and a competitive culture is the perfect recipe for not good enough syndrome.
It is a sub-conscious belief ‘I’m not good enough, and nothing I do is ever good enough’. The result is that you feel dissatisfied with yourselves, and with everything you ever do.
It is a hard existence! If you have this belief, you will find it very difficult to complete anything (because, if you complete it, it will not be good enough… at least, if it is incomplete, you have an excuse.) You may go from project to project, never be able to rest, admire your creation, say ‘I did that!’ and feel proud. Your negative belief will be projected outwards and you will feel dissatisfied with your partner, your friends. Nothing about them will be ‘good enough’ either.
If you think about it, ‘I’m not good enough, and nothing I ever do is ever good enough’ is a total negation of self. The entire self has been rejected and consigned to the scrap heap.
I spent years feeling that everyone else was better than me. For long time I didn’t even realised that this is not a norm for everyone. My husband often used to tell me: Marie, not everyone thinks like that… I used reply: are you calling me a weird, not normal? It used to upset me.
Eventually I started to observe more and more how other people were thinking and yes, he was right. Not everyone is living in fear that they are doing something wrong, not everyone was putting themselves down and constantly wanted to be better.
I started to notice that there are many people who do think very complimentary about themselves, they are content, they support themselves. I realised that that being human being we do not need to feel less than we are, but we need to accept ourselves the way we are. Starting to accept that is ok being vulnerable, being human was a great liberation. It was a start of experiencing moments of Freedom. It was a process; it didn’t happen overnight.
We live in times where constant bettering ourselves is a big business.
Everywhere we go we have so many quotes about the importance of being better than we are, being better than yesterday, being happier…. Many of these messages are meant good, but too much of everything is never helpful.
There is a big difference being open to learn and constantly bettering yourself. Constant bettering ourselves can cause lots of pressure and the stronger feeling not good enough. Learning from our experiences is much more interesting, it brings us excitement of discovering different ways without pressure and without judgement.
Maybe it is time to accept that we already are enough and other changes we would like to see will become easier. Let’s start to free ourselves from ‘not good enough’ thinking.
Let’s choose to enjoy being good enough! It is our birthright.