Written by Fern
Yesterday I walked down the street talking out loud to myself slowly. Someone with a bit more insight than I at this present time told me that if you talk out loud in a slow voice it is impossible for the mind to think fast. So no time like the present, I put it into practice. I walked down Dublin yesterday talking out loud, slowly as I was curious. It didn’t register to me that this might seem unusual to an onlooker, it was only as I was doing it, I smiled and thought how someone could think this one is mad and it made me laugh as it strengthen the feeling that I really only care what I think about myself. No one cared anyway; they were probably so busy in their own heads. I just felt really curious and it worked instantly, I felt a sense of relaxation. It made me be present and focus on the now. I then began to walk along and read anything I could see out loud slowly as I felt really curious and connected to the environment. There are times when I am not paying attention to my thinking, letting anything just filter away in and in doing so my own insecurities are staying put because I haven’t the foundation to counter feed it back. I don’t have negative thinking about myself in the context of my past where my thoughts were full of self-destruction, punishment and harshness, limitations and deprivation. Rather a blank state where by my thinking is dull and fast. Doubts are my biggest thoughts, doubts and fear and a lot is based around values that no longer serve me. But when I realize that my thought is fear based it actually helps me because I know that Fear is not even real, it’s not an object, it’s not even happened, so that in itself is a comfort. Today I continued this process, talking out loud to myself at times just to stop my thinking.
I have been checking in with myself and writing “What am I thinking at this moment” and its made me consciously stop. Most of my thoughts are based on what has not come yet, and most are based on feelings but feelings rather than thoughts. It has been helpful to realise this because a thought will create the feeling so I need to pay more attention to my thinking. I won’t get overwhelmed or analyse it but let it be for what it is and just be thankful that I choose to look at it. I have a goal of 6 weeks’ time to aim towards and am interested to see how my thinking may change, how my motivation continues and what pops up for me. I have given myself a task until this 6 weeks to write every day even a sentence and read the tips of the day every day. Its more to do with me giving myself time, trusting myself and exploring with now a course to work on. I made a huge personal step yesterday by saying good bye to something in my life that is not serving me. Its early days and I am not putting any pressure on myself or getting scared or overthinking it. I tell myself constantly I trust myself to ride this out and know the answer and I keep repeating “I am worth more, I am worthy as I am” and if I doubt I say “what does this give to my life”.
The tip about Exercise this week has been very apt and also the exercise to focus on the Negative Thoughts I would like to change. Its making me really focus and be honest with myself, get curious and challenge my thoughts and get excited that I have the power to change things which empowering in itself.
Fern
