Written By Nicky
My Christmas Tree
All is quiet, peaceful and calm in this place,
And I notice at last there is a smile on my face.
It seems quite a while since I felt this way,
So I decided a little poem I would write today!
For the past few weeks I have been feeling quite down,
Walking around in my head, mostly wearing a frown.
Finding life quite difficult and hard to cope,
With negative thoughts and a lot less hope!
It all felt hard and I seemed to be losing the fight,
Freedom and Recovery seemed too far out of sight.
All of the learning and the progress I had made,
Seemed to be just out of touch and beginning to fade.
I was weary and tired and hiding away,
Counting down the hours until the end of the day.
I had been running and thinking and running some more,
And when I wasn’t running I was hiding behind my hall door!
But I am glad to report and so happy to say,
That I felt a little lightness coming my way.
So I decided today we would decorate our tree,
And what an interesting experience it was for me…..!
It began this morning when I delivered the news,
My daughter was so happy that she kicked off her shoes!
She was jumping and shouting and screaming with glee,
And kissing and hugging and jumping on me!
As I watched her little face fill with happiness and light,
It was very clear I needed to get back to the fight!
I chose right then that I would focus instead,
On Christmas and my daughter and not the thoughts in my head!
I have always loved Christmas, it is my favourite time of year,
It’s a time when I seem to live my life with less fear!
I love the lights and the decorations and I so love to sing,
Christmas songs and dancing were always my thing!
I put up the tree and hung the lights all around,
I put on the Christmas songs and turned up the sound!
As I rummaged in a box for the baubles for the tree,
I suddenly found each one had a deeper meaning to me!
You see, I have spent so many years collecting them all,
Travelling around the world to large shops and small!
And as I took each one out the memories were so clear,
And as I sit and remember my eyes begin to tear!
They have come from many places, both near and far,
Travelling to my little house by plane and by car!
From New York, France and Amsterdam too,
Prague, Lapland some old and some new!!
I remembered not only where I bought each one,
I remembered the experience, the joy and the fun,
The people I was with and the sights I had seen,
And I remembered all the wonderful places I’ve been.
There were other decorations made by my daughters own hand,
That might not seem so professional or so exotic or grand.
But each one is a masterpiece and so special to me,
And I felt so much pride as I hung each one on the tree!
There were other decorations that I had been given as a gift,
And remembering who they came from made my heart lift!
All of the decorations had been chosen with care,
And the memories and emotions were almost too much to bare!
I’m now sitting and wondering what happened today,
As I don’t ever remember feeling this way!
Each year I must have decorated the tree with my head,
And maybe today it was Present Moment instead?
And I feel so much better than I have in a while!
And I notice the frown has turned into a smile!
And I think to myself maybe I can still fight,
And keep my Recovery and Freedom clearly in sight!
I am so happy that I experienced what I experienced today,
As it has hopefully helped me to get back on the way.
Maybe it has helped me to finally see,
How much better my life will be when I’m free!
Nicky
