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Vulnerability as a path through recovery

By July 12, 2016June 23rd, 2022No Comments

written by Recovered Classmate

My father was a stone mason by trade. I sometimes drive past walls he constructed with a sense of wonder for the art and science of his creativity. He immersed himself in works of beauty and practicality. Many anonymous structures stand proud in honour of his presence in the world. As a child I marvelled at how he could take a granite stone, glinting in the sunlight,  into his calloused weathered hands and know what to do next….

He understood the wall. He sensed , then knew intuitively which stone would fit into the irregular slot. He would take a deep raucous  breath of fresh country air , mingled with smoke inhaled from a cigarette permanently dangling from the corner of his unspeaking mouth. This caused his eyes to squint and focus on the job in hand. Then the magic! A gentle tap of the hammer and the stone would yield with precision to my fathers intention. Weakness and  vulnerability in the granite were the keys to building a strong beautiful boundary.

‘Now you see me’  appears to be a film about magic . The magician uses mirrors , distraction techniques, and suggestion to create illusion . He darts around in the shadows to stimulate the audiences’ imagination to believe in something unreal. We are convinced. Quick to be cajoled , unquestioning , into a world of magic , our minds  manipulated , frightened and controlled by illusion.

Magic is familiar outside the cinema . Fears seductively dance in the shadows of conditioned thought creating weakness and distress.

Yet those dark clouded thoughts of fear, distress, and weakness are, more than anything, our greatest gift. Fear is the path through to clear vision. It’s the line in granite that yields most readily when understanding , and clarity are the tools used  to gently tap and chisel

Fear is conditioned thinking. It is resistance. It is anxiety . It is imagination. It is also an opportunity , a gateway to freedom!

What I’ve learned at Marino is:

Relief from fear and a move through resistance starts with a decision to recover . Everyone can . Now is the best time to start. With the decision comes  a tingle of hope ,possibility and freedom. I focused on and collected those moments and they have filled my life with lightness and clarity.

Fear also arose and appeared very real. Great!! This was the first thing to shine a light on. unpleasant but worth it. The more unpleasant the more resistance I had . Accepting feelings with kindness curiosity  and reassurance took time and patience.

I learned to let profound feelings surface from deep in my solar plexus and dissipate without engaging the old thoughts. It took some mind training not to judge , blame, complain and engage the outdated thought processes.  Which perpetuate the cycle. I realised I could choose other thoughts, a new narrative. Thoughts fuel feelings. Free from critical thoughts the feelings emerge and transform to energy and new behaviour and delightful experiences. Tears were /are great here. They washed and released emotional debris from my eyes and cleared my vision.

Outdoors in the light and truth of nature , aware of my surroundings I disperse resistance and elucidate the illusion of fears. The magic and deception of fears imagined in the shadows disappear in the light of unconditioned presence of life.

Massage, restorative yoga, manicures, walks on the beach, films, and writing, are beneficial tools to chip away condition and become receptive to uncovering  the next desired piece for building a freer life with beautiful boundaries.

‘Recovered Classmate’