Written By Fern
I wanted to share with you my day today and my recent experiences. Only by writing it down or stopping and recapping do we see little changes, steps forward and how at ease it can be.
I worked all weekend and had a very busy week last week with work, travel, life etc.. I woke this morning late which isn’t usually me but I thanked my body for this. I also got my period today which I was very thankful for as it’s not been regular, I was stressed, I know if my nutrition drops, it stops BUT I was making conscious efforts to improve and trust. So today I am very tired with alot back pain, in the past I wouldn’t listen, I’d plough on, or I would critize myself for feeling off. I would label it as lazy, dirty and in some ways reject woman hood. But today slowly I am listening and not getting to far ahead. I ate breakfast and I lay down in bed after for 10 mins, in all my years Ive never done this for fear of “fat”, ‘lazy”, “not worthy”. But today I did, 10 mins this was all I managed today because of those thoughts but it was quality 10 mins and best for me to focus on those than the 24 hours I didn’t.
Today I chose to give my body a break, I walked my dog which was my self care and I did some shopping but I am pretty active person and today I said no you need a day off, a rest day. What would benefit me most today?
What does my body want today? And being not so active I decided it’s best for me to have things to do like write, watch TV etc. It’s ok. It’s ok. I visited my niece and nephew but didn’t feel up to them today so I stayed for 15 mins which I said to myself well done for this.
Today I am conscious of the HALT as I know lonely and tired are two triggers for my brain to overthink, critize, go to far thoughts. Today I say no, I don’t need to explain to myself anything or feel guilty for normal things. I am human. I am allowed feel tired, crappy, etc and this doesn’t mean lazy, fat, unworthy etc. I also know on days like this it is important for me to do some nice things for me, self care and nourish my soul. Like going for a walk with my dog was what I needed ,air, freedom, country side and gentle movement. I went and saw my horse I hugged him so hard, we played I needed that. I remind myself he accepts me as I am and loves me so I am a good person he shows me that. I called to my family even for short period, I lay on couch, I’d the best shower, I plucked my eye brows, I did washing, lit a nice candle, texts friends. Sometimes yes it’s all distractions from allowing that negative mind to gain more energy as I know it could creep forward if I didn’t see it. So today taking it step by step I listen to my body, I write what I’m grateful for, what I did for my recovery, what I liked today. I’ve done this the past couple of nights and it helps me to see how far I’ve come, how my thinking has changed and how I want more for me. It makes me appreciate my life, discreetly praise myself and start the see the good in myself.
So today I listen, rest and say thanks.