Written by Sofie
I’ve had an interesting 24 hours in terms of recovery and I feel drawn to share for anyone experiencing something similar. I’ve been doing social basketball for the past year. It was something a colleague invited me to join with her and some other girls for work and I took a leap of faith and decided it would be an opportunity to try something new and look after my body.
I’ve found it equally challenging and enjoyable. I notice I don’t take myself seriously but also have a competitive side that makes me want to improve.
Two weeks ago I had an experience during a game where an ‘opponent’- one of the other girls involved- tried to boss me around a bit. I froze up and couldn’t think of anything to say. This set me off because I always feel less than when I can’t find the words to defend myself. I brushed it off but the next day I gave myself some space and I broke down in work. I couldn’t believe it hit me so hard. Growing up I always avoided competitive sports because I felt like I wasn’t any good, and when playing on a team, not feeling good enough is 1000 times worse when thinking everyone else is way better. Needless to say: false evidence appearing real.
So this encounter hit that little wound and brought up that pain. It shook me so much that up until an hour before it started today- I still hadn’t signed up. I had packed my bag and organised myself for it but I hadn’t signed it. One part of me wanted to shy away from the discomfort but the other was saying “fuck it, I enjoy it and I can go and be myself and ignore people that might impact my enjoyment”. My main motivation being I wanted to continue something I enjoy but I was also pushed on by this understanding I had that fear and discomfort were trying to hold me back.
It reminds me of that idea that “thinking small, keeps me small” and I absolutely do not want to be that. I want to be full and big and take up space with the challenge and the fun and the energy of it all.
It goes without saying, I went to the session today and I probably had the BEST session of my life. I went in with a clean slate, giving that person no space in my mind, I focused on myself and having a laugh and enjoying myself and learning and playing FOR ME.
I’m sharing this because a couple of years into this journey, I see more and more how over time, with practice, I get better and better at saying YES to me and YES to life. As Jacqueline always says to me “this is not a dress rehearsal”. We have one life and every day is an opportunity to find some fun, laughter and enjoyment. We don’t have to let other people take that away. That is always our choice. I am so proud of myself for letting me define myself instead of letting others actions define me. This time I chose to “Face Everything And Rise” and if that’s not liberating, I don’t know what is…