Written by Perfectly Flawed
Today’s group was on excuses.
I have lots of ‘excuses’ why not to share in group: ‘I’m not articulate’ ‘I haven’t formed my thoughts just yet’ ‘it won’t make sense’ etc. etc.!!
I could go on but I won’t, instead I’m going to jot down what came up for me and perhaps it will resonate with someone.
I get so much from other people’s sharings and as Jacqueline says don’t deprive the world of your voice so here goes.
Excuses for me largely centre/d around:
– ‘You’re not that bad’
– ‘It used to be so much worse’
– ‘You don’t engage in certain behaviours as much’
– ‘You appear/ look fine – you’ve got a job, friends, family etc. – just be happy (and maybe lose half a stone)’
– ‘There’s nothing actually wrong with you, it’s normal to be weight conscious, most people are, “I like eating healthy/excercising”
– ‘I’ve tried recovery before, it’s really hard, it’s expensive too. I’d prefer to spent my money on doing ‘nice’ things for myself’
– ‘Ok l start going to groups again but I don’t need the one to one sessions (they’re expensive you know and I’m not actually that bad anymore)’
– ‘I’m getting a bit old for this now too, surely this will go away soon because I’m older now and more mature. I can’t surely be still caught up in this, god my family must be sick of this/me and I’m physically much better now so I’m not that bad’.
– Yes you are that bad. So what – physically you are at a ‘normal weight’ – you are suffering and deserve so much more. Deep down you know that, now go ask for the help that you deserve.
– Recovery is cheap. Wasting years stuck in your head and not really living is very expensive. Living half a life is very costly for you and everyone around you. Go to the groups and all the sessions and then do the work between groups and sessions.
– Yes society and condition might tell you certain behaviours are admirable (discliplined, ‘healthy’ productive etc.) and this can serve as more BS to excuse and normalise distorted behaviour.
Getting really honest with yourself and the real intentions behind your behaviour is hard and confusing but the reality is that if Veronica in marketing is on a new fad diet, that’s her business. If I decide to go on some dressed up ‘health kick’ – the consequences for me are very different. And usually the motivation for this health kick is driven by some feeling/experience that I can’t even label yet or I’m trying to avoid. Forget about the health kick and get curious about what’s really going on.
– Age is irrelevant and time isn’t infinite. Condition isn’t going to go away on its own & the years are going to pass anyway. Recovery is life and learning how to navigate life. Every hour I put into recovery is going to add years to my life.
– Yes recovery is hard and if I’m finding it hard, that probably means I’m doing it right. Someone wise in group said recovery doesn’t require competence, it requires commitment and consistency.
Half-recovered isn’t an option. I’m going to be one of those ‘free’ people 🙂
– My family aren’t sick of me and they are smart enough to know that being physically at a healthy weight doesn’t mean recovered. It’s actually indicative of very little and doesn’t give that much insight into what’s really going on for someone internally. Don’t let the belief that you aren’t physically sick enough delay seeking help.
So that’s my twopence on excuses and now I’m going to send this before I make up an excuse not to send it!