Written by N
Dear Body
Dearest body, I sit here and I’m not sure what I will say,
I am not sure if I can do this or if I’ll write anything today.
I have avoided writing this letter for way, way too long,
Was it just too uncomfortable or did it just feel wrong?
I have heard it mentioned many times, so very many times before,
But writing a letter to my body, would make me shiver to my core!
But earlier today it was again gently suggested to me,
To write a letter to my body, just to see what I could see!
Right now, all I hear, are a hundred questions coming through,
Such as why do I treat you badly, as badly as I do?
And why do I starve you and not give you what you need?
Or why do I ignore you and pay you no heed?
Why do I not nourish you and why is there so much fear?
And why when you call out to me, is it like I just can’t hear?
Or why do I not trust you, to do what you can do?
And why do I neglect you and punish you too?
And how did I end up here, treating you this way?
Depriving you of happiness with every passing day.
And why would I do it, is it because I just don’t care?
Did I choose it this way or maybe I just wasn’t aware?
When will I learn to treat you, to treat you with some love?
Will I ever help you be free again, just like the birds that fly above?
Or will I always ignore you or not trust you at all?
Or will I just keep on mistreating you until one day you fall?
And when will I just listen to the messages that you send?
So I can start giving you what you need, so that you can begin to mend?
And when will your signals be clear so that I can understand?
So Ill finally stop doing it and take my head out of the sand?
When did I begin to lose, the trust, that I ought to have in you?
And when did I forget to do the things, the things I need to do?
Was there a time when I decided that I could trust you no more?
And now I wonder did I even ever trust you at all before?
The questions keep on coming and I have a pain in my head!
Right now I would do anything, to have all the answers up there instead!
It all sounds so harsh and it seems I feel I am to blame,
And maybe I’m feeling angry at myself or maybe I’m feeling shame!
Somewhere deep inside of me I know that what I do is just not right!
That all you have ever done for me is tried your best and kept up the fight!
That you deserve so much better, that you deserve some kindness too,
And that I am the only person that can make sure that it happens to you!
But right now we are disconnected and the signals are hard for me to read,
I find it very difficult to answer you or to know just what you need.
But I am practicing and getting better to help you feel at ease,
So I ask you to keep on going your best for another while, I beg you please!
And finally I want to ask you to put your trust and faith in me,
And I promise I’ll keep learning and that one day I’ll make you see!
That I haven’t done this on purpose and that I am determined to treat you well,
And that I am working hard to stop making your life a living hell!
So let us work together so we can make our future brighter!
And let us be best friends and work to make our world much lighter!
And let us move towards a future where we are one, you and me!
And let us keep on going until the day that we are free!
And I promise that when we get there that I’ll love you with all my heart!
And that ill listen to you when you need me to and I’ll gladly play my part!
And that I’ll treat you with such kindness that you will be proud to be with me!
And we will face this world together to live as one in harmony!
Nx
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Written by Pennydragon
Letter to my body
I’m sorry for how I’ve treated you, its been far too many years. I feel disconnected from you. I’ve always ignored your signals and warnings thinking that I knew what was best. I thought that if I changed and controlled you then the red thoughts would go away and I would finally be able to live my life. Your signals are now unfamiliar and strange, I don’t really know what they mean. I want to learn to trust you. I always thought that I was born in the wrong body or time, that we just weren’t meant to be. I’m starting to realise we are one and the same, we are I, not you and me. Maybe you are the expert in what my body’s needs are and I can start to discover where my expertise lie. Maybe if we work together we will find the balance I’ve been searching for and I’ll never feel so alone again.
I’m starting to realise you are precious and unique, that I’ve never treated you with the respect you deserve. I’m amazed by your strength, your ability to heal. You manage to silently keep me alive 24 hours a day, no matter how hard my mind works against you. This magical instinct for survival amazes me, how you never give up. I’m starting to realise that no matter how much I’ve doubted you, you must never have doubted me. You give me so much and are always on my side.
You allow me to experience the wonders of the world around me. You give me my senses. My eyes to see how incredibly beautiful nature is, to see people smile, laugh and cry, to see the magic in art, to watch films and series, to read a book. To hear the birds singing, the wind in the trees, when my doggie wants to come inside, music and song, jokes and laughter, to hear people talk. To smell the beautiful flowers, cut grass in the spring, fresh rain in the morning, scents of the forest, my cup of coffee, hand cream and soap, lavender on my pillow, or when something has gone off. To taste things I like or don’t like, to work with my smell to experience things like food or coffee more intensely, to know when I need to brush my teeth or got soap in my mouth. To pet my dog and feel his soft fur in my hands, hug a loved one, feel my cosy blanket, pick up a pencil to write or draw.
You help me experience emotions more deeply, butterflies when I’m nervous or excited, tears when I’m sad or really happy. You help me communicate with others, to smile, laugh or frown. You keep me warm. You protect me from dangers I cant see like bacteria, parasites and viruses, the effects of destructive behaviours, the UV rays from the sun, you filter out toxins and chemicals.
I’m so grateful for all these things and I’m sorry. It may take some time but I promise better times will come. Please forgive me. One day I’ll love you the way you’ve always loved me, because without you there is no me.
Pennydragon
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Written by April
A Letter To My Body – Part 1 – I’m Sorry
Benjamin Franklin said ‘There are only two certainties in life – death and taxes.’
I think that there is another one that most people don’t think about because we take it for granted. Another one of life’s certainties is you will be born, you will live and you will die in the same body. That body may grow differently or look differently to others but it is the only one that you are ever going to get. It’s a bit crazy to me that I can write that so easily, but at the same time I have spent years of my life treating you so badly and wishing that you were anything but what you are. On the flip side, the only thing that you have ever done for me is to try and protect me and keep me alive.
When I cut you, you clotted my blood to stop me from bleeding out and then after all that, you even healed me. When I had an infection, you worked day and night (even when I was sleeping) to fight that for me. When I starved you and I forced you to wake up at 3am and go to an empty gym, (because I was too ashamed to be seen with you) you still did everything you could for me and tried to protect me by going into starvation mode and held onto as many nutrients as you could. This made me hold onto weight and not loose weight, and I hated you for it. I blamed you for it.
Writing this, I feel my eyes welling up and a lump in my throat because you never ever deserved this. Is this you crying or me crying? Maybe it’s both of us… finally… we’re on the same page about something!! One of the qualities that I always prided myself on was how kind I am to other people, but was I really just masking the fact that I was hurting you so badly. I still see my mind and body as slightly separate entities because I’m not totally mind body connected yet and I can’t quite comprehend that I would do those things to myself, but I did do them and at the time it felt normal. BUT, I also started going to MTC for you, I started nourishing you eventually, I started allowing you the movement you craved and it’s only now that you are showing me the rewards of treating you like my best friend.
So I am sorry, but, I also understand and forgive. I promise to always protect you, love you and treat you like you should be treated.
A Letter To My Body – Part 2 – Thank you
When I cry, you allow the heaviness of my thoughts to flow through my eyes in the form of tears which make me feel lighter after.
Even when I am dreaming of not being able to reach a glass of water to drink, you wake me up. I realise that it was you the whole time, screaming for hydration. You are so clever.
When I’m happy, you give me a warmth in my heart which radiates around me and spreads happy hormones throughout my body.
When I am in danger, you give me adrenaline to allow me to fight and protect. I have confused you with conditioned thoughts and I have been accidentally keeping you on high alert when the only danger was the red thoughts and negative thinking in my brain, but I’m working through that one!
You allow me to smell beautiful and peaceful smells like lavender. But not only that, you allow me to recognise these smells and associate them with the immediate feeling of home or calm. Even when I miss a loved one, you give me warming reminders of a scent that brings be back in time to a random memory that makes me smile from ear to ear. When one of my senses receive information, you transport it to my brain and over 160 km/ph.
You make sure my heart beats over 100,000 times per day and the only reason for doing that is to keep me alive.
One of the most expensive cameras in the world can capture up to 400 mega pixels. You can capture up to 576 mega pixels and you allow me to see the world in the most beautiful colours with no editing or colour-grading needed.
These are only a few examples of the many many things that you do for me every single second over every single day.
So thank you, I can never express how grateful I am that taking care of me is your number one priority and from here on out, you’re going to be my number one priority too.
April xx
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Written by Blue Eyed Bird
Dear Body,
Hi. I do believe we are becoming more connected. Thank you for that. Thank you for always knowing that deep down I wanted to be your friend but freeloaders put up barriers between us in this home. Thank you for having soft protective skin that now loves the feel of warm water during showers, something that you dear body were deprived of. Thank you for blushing when I am embarrassed. Thank you for crying with laughter or when watching inspirational videos. Thank you for immediately smiling when someone mentions a guy’s name that I fancy. Thank you for sending me signals when you’re hungry or tired. Thank you for the fact that you are still trying to send those signals, even when the freeloaders blocked their path. Thank you for allowing me to see my parent’s faces, my nephews dancing, my pets being utterly adorable when they sleep, beautiful flowers, the calming ocean and my own uniquely beautiful reflection (that one was hard to type). Now a special note. My dear Brain. You have a special place in my heart (that doesn’t sound right because you’re in my head but sure). If I had to pick a favourite organ you would win (I love all you guys though, sorry kidneys, stomach, lungs and pancreas, you guys were close!). Brain, you really are my best friend. I enjoy your company so much more as I progress in my recovery and cannot wait to see how much closer we will become. Sometimes the freeloaders still build walls between us but it’s ok now. I’m aware of this and I know you’re on the other side. I will continue to knock down those walls. I promise. Brain and body, I still talk about you guys as if you aren’t me. You are me. This is my home. I’m glad I’m finally allowing you guys to be introduced. I really believe that Brain and stomach and kidneys etc could give Taylor Swift’s girl squad a run for their money. You guys have so much in common. You all need blood that I’m now choosing to become its true iron rich self. You all want to allow me to survive and thrive. Dear Cells, you guys chose to grow together to form me. You guys can be so different in ways but you work in harmony to allow me to live this wonderful life. You guys have stayed together through countless challenges and have become stronger in bond and love. Thank you. Body and mind, you guys literally have the same love story as Allie and Noah from the notebook. You’re soul mates but the freeloaders blocked your love letters from arriving. But love conquers all and those letters are now starting to arrive. Life will always throw curve balls at us. But we are the ideal team and we can knock them out of the park as we continue with recovery and showering ourselves with self love. Support yourself and get out of your own way.
All my love, light thoughts and belief,
Blue Eyed Bird x
