When we are suffering from an Eating Distress/Eating Disorders we often experience quite a lot of negative and destructive relationships. The topic of relationships can bring up a lot of fear for us, so much so that we want to put up a wall and run away. Relationships are complex but we can simplify them by simplifying our thinking.
“Assume is to make an ass out of you and me” Stop making assumptions. “Nobody likes me, will like me, wants to be with me or love me.” Assumptions or story telling as if we know everything will never get us very far in building relationships.
What are you looking for? Do you know what kind of relationship you want or do you think you’re lucky to even have someone talk to you, regardless of the way they treat you. Ask yourself what it is you are looking for, write it down and have it as your GPS in the search for great company.
Yes you’re good enough. No one is the special snowflake. We ALL thought that once.
We’re not all going to be the same. Accept it. Learn to celebrate differences and get curious how you can learn from or about others as opposed to judging them straight away. Let’s not deny it we have definitely judged once. Once again, no shame, may of us have at some stage.
Pick a team. Make a list of who is on your team so far? Who matters. Are the people not on the list getting more attention and energy? Yes? Well, that is not going to work out so well for you.
We all get hurt sometimes. Let’s face it, could it be anymore painful then this? By trying to avoid getting hurt we often end up suffering even more.
Commit. Relationships can be rocky and have many challenges but perfection doesn’t lie in real relationships. Walking away and avoiding as a result of fear will lead you to nothing else but more misery and no growth.
Listen. 2 ears, 1 mouth. Use them in this ratio to get in less trouble 😊 If the people on your team are offering advice, if you just drop the argument and take it, , life becomes a little simplier.
Misery loves company. Spare me the drama, misery may love company, but is it the company you want? Dumping is very different to constructive expressing. Are you communicating through you, or is it the condition? If you find yourself communicating in drama, make a choice today to leave it at the door.
Learn to identify a toxic environment. Do you leave that person’s company feeling heavy or lonely? Do you sometimes leave not even knowing what you spoke about or experienced in the last few hours? The more your self-esteem grows the more you realise not all relationships are worth holding on to. Make a change if needs be.
Relationships are not black and white, but self-centred thinking makes them more complex then they need to be. Listen, learn and ask questions. Give yourself a voice and give yourself a choice. We need to accept others and their differences but we do not have to settle.
Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend.
Martin Luther King, Jr.