Written by Happy Days
When I was younger, and I realise now, very insecure and impressionable, I became friends with A. We played on the same football team, and we were very much on the same wavelength in many ways; we were very sporty, determined, focused, committed; and we became good friends. Again, I can now see that most of our common ground was condition. But I didn’t know that at the time.
At that time, I was not weight conscious, all I wanted was to be fit and be the best I could be at football. But A was very weight conscious, and her many comments about food and weight and eating or not eating didn’t go over my head. They started to resonate and the more time I spent with her the more they resonated.
I decided I would just lose a little bit of weight and then leave it at that. But…. I’m sure you can fill in the rest…. it was the start of a very long, difficult, lonely journey for me. And one that (thankfully) eventually led me to Marino, and eventually to full recovery.
I am so grateful now for the journey I have had, because I am so much more aware; I know how to live my life without listening to and being influenced by all the crap and nonsense around us. I appreciate all the little moments and make the most out of my life. I know now how to be happy. And when I’m not feeling great I know I can support myself and be kind to myself. My worth is no longer tied up in my size. My life no longer revolves around my size and weight and what size-label is on my clothes.
On the contrary, A is still as sick today as she was all those years ago, maybe even more so. And not only that, but the trail of destruction she leaves behind is so evident. Evident for me to see, but unfortunately it’s not evident for all to see – A is now married with five children – one teenager and four small children; she spends her life running the roads, and starving herself – she is so gaunt looking – while being a mother to her family. All the while everyone commenting on what a ‘superwoman’ she is, and isn’t she great, how does she do it etc.etc. It makes me want to scream to hear condition being applauded like that. Not to talk of the destructive influence of her conditioned life on her children, and those around her.
I used to hate A, hated what she ‘did’ to me. I realise now that I was vulnerable anyway. But she definitely was a destructive influence on me at that very vulnerable time. Of course I have regrets about some of the things I lost when condition came, the biggest one being football. But now I am grateful for the life I have today because of having had condition (and I’m not even fully free yet!)
I look at A today and I feel sorry for her, and sorry for her children being brought up with a very conditioned mother and thinking that that is ‘normal’. I am not sure if she will ever be free, I don’t think she even realises how sick she is (or more accurately doesn’t want to acknowledge the truth of it – like the rest of us, she’s not stupid!) I see what I now have and I genuinely feel sorry for her being stuck in the prison she is in.
The message of this post is that it is so important to realise the influence we have on others by the choices we make and by how we live our lives.
It is so true; we help the world the most by being recovered and free. Freedom spreads freedom. Happiness spreads happiness.