Loosening the Reins


Written by Classmate

I’ve noticed that I can be quite controlling when it comes to tasks. I like to convince myself I’m super laid back, easy breezy… but alas. I am not. Yet? I do like things done ‘right’ and I don’t like sloppiness or disorganisation. 

Saying that, this tendency to try to control everything and do it myself, has led me at times to have way too much on. And to be a bit narky… (not a value of mine!!!!)

We’re planning an event, and I’ve realised that I’m making all the decisions about anything creative, or anything with colour options. Someone tried to voice an opinion yesterday about the colour of something, and I was straight away shoving their thoughts aside in order to do what I want. 

I also noticed that I’m stressing myself out a bit by trying to do everything myself, and my way. 

I spoke about this in group and someone suggested a system where they divide a page up into four sections: urgent and important, urgent and unimportant, non-urgent and important, non-urgent and unimportant. This morning I made a nice list out, and decided what was urgent and important, and started working on those tasks first. So far so good, until I found myself giving the bathroom a deep clean. I was almost finished the cleaning when I realised I was doing something that didn’t even make the list this morning!! And if it did, it would be a job deemed non-urgent and unimportant. Auto-pilot took over, and I have now realised that I need to help myself be more present, and focus. Be a bit more self-disciplined with my thoughts, and not get swept along.

I’m waiting on something in the oven, hence me writing this post. (This sort of deviation from the list is me practicing spontaneity ok lol)

I realised during group that I could delegate more, in all areas of my life. Sometimes I just don’t trust that another person can do as good a job as me, which is a bit insulting to them.

So I asked someone to do a few jobs. I felt uncomfortable asking them in a way, because I felt like I could do them myself. (At what cost?) And what if they didn’t do it right? But they offered me help, so I took it. It felt like a weight was lifted. Looking back, I would have asked for help sooner. At least I’ll know for next time.

I also made something the other day, and discovered a spelling mistake. It was very tempting to rip them all up and start again. But the mistake was so minor. And I laughed to myself that this was a workshop in anti-perfectionism. 

I made my nanny a gift 2 weeks ago, which involved ironing vinyl transfers. Somehow I messed it up a bit. In the past I would have been absolutely raging, and would have made a big drama of buying everything again, and making a big stress of it. But I realised that my Nanny won’t mind. And I can tell her the story of Me Versus The Iron. No point getting wound up. 

I thought I had a hair appointment today. But the salon is closed for renovations. I’m 99.9% sure they told me the wrong day because I put it in my phone calendar months ago, but it actually doesn’t matter to me who is right or wrong. Re-schedule, or don’t. Cut myself some slack if it was me that got it wrong, and cut them some slack if it was their mistake. Human beings make mistakes. Meh.

What I’ve realised the last few weeks is that I am not perfect. But I feel extremely accepting of it. I now realise I need to just work with myself more, and change things that aren’t working. Or simply learn, and do it differently next time. It’s my life, and I can make the best or worst of it. I also realised that I have a tendency (?habit) of being quite controlling, and wanting things my way or no way. I want to let other people execute their ability to be creative, and stop being so demanding. There are many ways to do something, and my way is not the only way. 

So my intentions for the rest of the week:

Find the fun in everything I can, enjoy enjoy enjoy, lighten up, let others have an opinion, delegate, accept my humanity, prioritise, don’t sweat the small stuff, and be present!!!

Classmate xxx