Light Of Hope


Written by Fern

Today I feel extremely grateful for life. Yesterday was challenge, but I have learnt from it and today I see my strengths. I woke today, tacked up my horse and I never felt so grateful so in touch. For me he is the one thing I feel so close to, I feel connection at a deep level and being out exploring the forest this morning I felt a true connection and awe of nature, of the land even of myself. Today for me is the beginning of a new path in my life. I have carried a burden for too long and realize now that any feelings I have I judge them. I think this morning I woke up, went to that forest and let go mentally of about 60% of any shame and hurt inside me. I suppose I hadn’t realized I carried it. For the first time in a very long time, I feel a light of hope somewhere, the light is small, I don’t exactly know where it is or what it is, but I am not questioning it, its there and even in the turmoil of yesterday that hope, that light I can feel. I feel very excited, and its an excitement in my heart that I haven’t felt at that level that is pure. I have felt it but its re ignite now. I know this is not going to come all at once but for the first time in a long time I am passionate, determined and believe in a higher power. I know within myself I have a lot of cobwebs to dust off, some I don’t know are there. But I want to dust them. Today I sat out in the sun and I wrote, I wrote what I am grateful for, I wrote what I like, I wrote over and over “who am I”. I asked myself what are my values and the first one that came to mind was size, I am no longer going to feel bad or ashamed for saying that. Yes its there but to be honest up until yesterday I didn’t even know how strong it was. Well it doestn matter because now I am working to change that, and I must have other values one strong one is honesty and connection to nature, so that’s two. I know I need support, I need people to support and help me on this journey of self and at the moment I can rely on the Marino and myself. So today I am very grateful, I am determined, and I choose to move forward. I have forgotten who I was, what I was and pushed it away. I pushed away me, this whole part of my life, but now I sense hope. I see a light and I am going to keep that light and let it shine more. My journey has only started now. For me its important to write, to read these posts, to feel connected. Last night I deleted so many things and people on my social media account. They do not support me and I want better. I am moving forward step by step. So today, I trust in life, I trust in Marie, I want more than sometimes I believe I deserve.