Judgement

Judgement

 

To judge is to form an opinion, but remember, opinions are not facts. When we are suffering from an Eating Distress we often suffer from chronic judgement. When it comes to this type of thinking, very few escape the wrath of condition. We may not want to believe it, but when we have conditioned thinking, we carry the burden of judgement with us everywhere we go. Not only do we judge ourselves, but we often judge others.

“I’m not good enough”

“They’re not good enough”

“I’m not talented enough”

“They’re not talented enough”

“I should have done better”

“They should have done better”

One of the biggest obstacle in the way of Recovery and Full Freedom is self- judgement. The more judgement, the more close minded we become. The intellectual snobbery of the condition takes over, and just like that, we become a “know it all”. Comparing is a close cousin of judgement. When comparing, are you trying to prove that they are better then you, or that you are better then them? When we are recovering we can find ourselves judging others as a result of an inferiority complex. The more you work on getting rid of judgement in your life, the more contentment and peace you will discover.

Do judge yourself/others for things that you/they have said or done in the past?

Do judge yourself/others for your/their behaviours?

Do you judge yourself or your loved one having ED?

Do you judge yourself for wanting to ask for help?

What do you value about judgement?

When recovering from Eating Distress we need to get out of our heads and into the real world. We all have a story, we all have a challenge and at the end of the day we are all here without a rule book just trying to do our best.

 

“The ability to observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence.”

Jiddu Krishnamurti (Philosopher)


Learning from the class from  Muddled

When you don’t feel good enough you can turn to judgement. You can judge yourself and also judge others. If you value kindness then you strive to be kind. So if you are judging people then surely you must value judgement?
When I think of my own values I think of the stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. I have, and still am, working on removing conditions values and honouring my own. It takes time, effort and perseverance, and so just like Hollywood’s finest my values gain their own star: kindness, nature, friendship… They (and I) have earned it! Do I really want judgement to be a star on my own personal Walk of Fame? Do you?
Judgement and comparing are described as close cousins but I see them more as twins. Maybe not identical twins but ones that make you pause and wonder which one it is. I may compare my life to someone else’s and then judge my own choices. I realise that I do not judge others as quickly as I previously did (credit to me!). However I still often judge and criticise myself. Maybe you do too? I’m not doing enough. I’m not doing a good enough job (perfectionism sneaks into this one to). I only got 75% in that exam and they got 90% – I’m not smart enough or I didn’t try hard enough. They are married and I’m not, what’s wrong with me? Oh it goes on and on, and often it can freeze you in your tracks. You cannot be judged by others if you do nothing. You cannot fail if you don’t try. What an amazing strategy, not (lol).
And I haven’t even mentioned judging others! Those trousers look awful on them, why are they wearing them? He/she is too big / small / loud / quiet / boring. They are not as good as me at X or Y, I’m better than them. They didn’t go to college, I’m more clever than them. My lunch is much healthier than theirs (smug smile). If you are thinking all these thoughts then you can turn them in towards yourself and start to believe that everyone else is judging you and your decisions. You become a little paranoid, when really everyone else is so busy thinking about themselves that they don’t even notice what you’re doing!
Judgement is just another condition strategy that gets you NOWHERE!
If any of these statements ring true then try not to instantly judge yourself (that defeats the point, doesn’t it?). Use it as an information. Some questions that you could ask yourself:
  1. What are you trying to achieve with judgement?
  2. How much energy are you wasting arguing or trying to prove others wrong?
  3. What is the point?!
  4. What am I trying to get out of this?
  5. What do I really need to do to become more open minded?
  6. How will becoming more open minded enhance my recovery?
  7. Do I judge people before I speak to them?
A little challenge / task that was set in group was to try to spend one full day not judging any stranger that you meet / see. Some strategies that were mentioned in order to help us do this were:
  • Change your statements to “I wonder…”. For example: I wonder why they are rushing? I wonder where they are going? I wonder where they got their clothes? I wonder what their lives are like?
  • Try to actively listen. You were given two ears and only one mouth for a reason. Be curious about other people’s lives.
  • Put people’s lives into the bigger picture, i.e. try not to focus on one aspect of their lives such as their exam results and ignore everything else about them.
  • Verbalise the word ‘acceptance’.
  • Lighten up!
  • Try to get out of people’s heads.
  • Recapture and focus on what you have achieved yourself.
Why not give it a go today?!
Muddled:)
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