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I want them to like me…

Written by Classmate

Everybody wants to be liked. Well, most people anyway. It makes evolutionary sense, and we can strive for this by contorting and doing mad gymnastics with ourselves to try to make it happen. I find it very challenging to accept that not everyone will like me. I almost feel like a sulking two year old, like whyyyyy.

I used to bend so far from my values and true authenticity in order to be liked, that I would almost break. But what’s the point?

What I’ve realised is that people will like you or not, and it’ll have very little to do with YOU personally. It’s often just a value clash.

I was working on this topic with Andrea and she made a very good point, she’s not planning on changing in order to be liked, so what’s the point in worrying about it? She’s got plenty of other things that need to be done, and sitting at home worrying about why someone is slow to reply to a text is such a waste of energy.

I used to try to agree with whoever I was talking to, so they’d like me. I’d be so afraid to disagree. I had no idea who I was, so I would say I liked the bands they liked and the movies they liked. Yes I would love to go to that place I hate and I definitely want to wear this thing you think is cool. I remember sitting in the bathroom of a friend’s house when I was in 6th year, allowing her pour bleach into my hair. I didn’t want to dye my hair, but I wanted her to like me.

Sometimes I’d get so caught up in worrying if a certain group of girls liked me, that I’d forget to ask myself if I even liked THEM.

When I was in 4th class, my best friend told me she didn’t want to be my best friend anymore. Just a regular friend. She then proceeded to stand in the line for PE with another girl, clasping pinky fingers chanting ‘best friends forever’. Right in front of me. On purpose. It’s only with the benefit of hindsight can I see that I didn’t even like this girl. She was a complete bully, and liked being friends with me because she could boss me around all day.

I also realised that craving being liked shows a deficiency of self love. When we truly love and care for ourselves, we care less what other people think of us. We aren’t ‘annoying’ and ‘needy’, we’re just human.

Sometimes the need to be liked can get in the way of getting a job done. I remember Marie telling me she wasn’t there to be liked, she was there to get me to freedom. So I could be mad all I want, she didn’t care. There’s freedom in that!

When we are free to be ourselves without fear of being disliked, then we allow the people around us feel free to be themselves too. There’s something very inspiring about somebody who is themselves, unabashedly walking their talk.

So much time can be wasted trying to get other people to like us. If we drop that rock, then we will have more time for our own passions.

Do I want to be liked by everyone, or do I want to be free?

Helpful quote:

“I used to walk into a room of people and wonder if they liked me. Now I wonder if I like them.”

Classmate