Written by Muddled
Hair – This is a topic that continuously pops up for me: Hair. My hair, my friends hair, people on the streets hair, celebrity hair and, if you attend group, then YOUR hair too! I love short pixie cuts, long flowing mermaid locks, silky natural hair, mad pink funky hair… you name it and I want it.
I began obsessing over my hair in about third year of secondary school. My mother convinced me to get highlights. I had the same hair colour as she has when she was younger and she didn’t like what people said about her hair. I was convinced it was because my natural hair colour was not good enough.
Then hair straighteners came along. I mean ones that gave proper silky, ‘flick over my shoulders’ wow hair. So I bought into that fad and tried my best to tame the waves. Now, in addition to my hair being the ‘wrong’ colour, the waves in my hair were not good enough.
I have literally spend years fretting about my hair. I know what suits me and I get that feeling of relief when I get it cut in a way that is true to myself, but fear takes over. My excuses not going to the hairdressers or doing anything with my hair include:
– it’s too expensive (okay it can be, but am I not worth it?)
– my Mam can trim it (yes but at some stage you need it styled)
– I like it like this (do you really?)
– hair takes so very long to grow back (what’s the worst that could happen?)
– I don’t know a good hairdresser (yes I do)
– I don’t like or trust hairdressers (I love getting pampered at the hairdressers! I’m working on the trust thing).
– you’ll look like a boy (no you won’t!)
So I decided to try and suss out what it is about hair that has me in a twist all these years.
Hair is seen as being your ‘crowning glory’. Why? Well I did a bit of research… Hair in the past, and even now, symbolises femininity, youthfulness, identity, freedom, beauty and liberation. Essentially good hair showed you were in good health and was a handy way for a potential suitor to recognise a good mate. So your hair really was important!
Nowadays hair is outer reflection of who we are; it is part of our identity. We can manipulate and alter it to suit us and so our hair can come to represent our personality, thoughts and beliefs. So this is what I’ve been scared of all these years- revealing the true me! Surprise surprise 😉
All in all I’ve come to realise that I project my condition thoughts onto my hair. It is an outlet for ‘not good enough’. As usual condition wants to show people what it thinks they want to see, and for all these years it appears that I have been agonising over my hair, when really I’ve been terrified of revealing the real me. No wonder I was confused and hair obsessed – it’s pretty hard work hiding a personality when it’s on plain view on top of your head! I would much prefer to admire other people’s hair than use it as a measure of what is ‘wrong’ with my own hair.
So this year I intend to focus on my hair, not your hair or my friends hair, but MY hair! This is my year of deserving. My year of being good enough. My year of being me, of recovering the real me. Because I AM worth it 🙂