Written by Busy Bee
The start of group each week begins with the topic of films. I always make sure to note down all the recommendations that people make but I’ll be honest, I don’t volunteer information about anything that I myself have seen recently. It’s the dreaded FEAR, I’m afraid that a film that I might recommend might not be good enough, that people would judge me for watching it or that I may have watched it and misunderstood the whole thing completely! I will also admit that I do find it difficult to concentrate when watching films, TV shows or even reading as I’m distracted with other thoughts!!! One day last week those ED thoughts were playing on repeat. I felt like my DVD player was stuck on replay and although I was looking in my tool box for something to fix it I wasn’t searching too hard! I then remembered a film that Marie had recommended and the wise words, “A film a day keeps condition away”! I checked the cinema listings and for once made a quick decision (it was starting in 10 minutes and I wanted my money’s worth) and chose to go and see “The Promise” and it was money well spent.
I really enjoyed this film partly because it allowed me to leave condition at home stuck in the broken DVD player for over 2 hours. The ED thoughts did try to make an appearance as the titles rolled with thoughts of you’re not watching this properly, you’re not going to enjoy this, you’d look huge on that screen……., but when Oscar Iassac and Christian Bale appeared on screen I was able to put ED back in the DVD box for a few hours!!
The Promise is about the Armenian Genocide and it is set during the last days of the Ottomon Empire. It tells the story of a love triangle between Mikael, an eager medical student, Ana a beautiful artist and Chris a photojournalist from America. Mikael and Ana both share an Armenian Heritage but all three of these characters share in that they are passionate and committed to their own values. I’m not going to tell you any more of the story as this is not a film review but this film did captivate me, not just as it was playing on the screen but also afterwards. I could not help but reflect on this film and think about these characters and all they went through, how strong and determined they were and how they carried on despite all the challenges they faced. This film also made me realise how nothing in life is certain, life can change for every one of us in an instant, whether by choice or by chance.
ED wants me to spend my time feeling guilty about the past and being absolutely petrified about the future. I then end up procrastinating in my recovery because of the fear. I keep telling myself I’ll make that pro-recovery change tomorrow, I’ll do it the next time…… The truth is, tomorrow is not guaranteed, and we will all eventually run out of tomorrows, some of us sooner rather than later if we keep listening to the ED. I really need to remember this and keep reminding myself every time ED pushes me to the side and takes centre stage that life is short and that we all only get one life so live it!
I didn’t think that my trip to the cinema would come with so many realisations. I have decided that I don’t want ED to be the lead in my film, I want it to end up on the cutting room floor. I want to be the star of my own life.
I know that my recent understandings about ED and recovery is at present just the words on this page, just a script pre-production. I know that it’s me that has been holding off and making excuses as to why the project has not taken off. I’m the one who needs to get this film made, I’m the one who needs to not only say but also to take….ACTION!!!