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Dealing with Feelings

Written by Muddled

Affectionate, brave, despair, eager, free, glad, hateful, hurt, inspired, keen, low, nervous, petrified, pretty, relieved, sneaky, sure, tired, uneasy, worried, wonderful…

These are just some of the feelings that we were presented with in group. I remember covering this topic nearly a year ago. The person beside me was busy reading their sheet, circling feelings, putting stars and marks beside other feelings, talking about how they feel and what they hope to feel. I sat there feeling lost. I just couldn’t identify with any of those feelings, especially positive feelings. I went home and stuck the sheet on my noticeboard to remind myself of all the possible feelings I could have. Surely I was feeling them but I just wasn’t use to identifying and naming them? Hmmm it wasn’t that simple. I was numb to my feelings.

This time it was different. That’s not to say I have felt all of those listed feelings, but I certainly have felt a lot of them in the past year. This is what I took from group and from other peoples sharing:

#1. How do you feel?

Acknowledge your feelings. Are you happy, sad, calm, worried? Use the sheet to try and identify what you are feeling. Most importantly remember that feelings are not ‘bad’ or ‘good’. They are either pleasant or unpleasant. All feelings were created equal! I am definitely guilty of beating myself up because I am anxious when I ‘should’ be excited. Which leads to #2…

#2. What are these feelings telling you?

Feelings are your own high tech, top of the range Sat-Nav system 😉 They direct you through life and help you to avoid break downs (caused by exhaustion etc) or traffic jams. They can tell you when you need me time, more self-care, a nap, a walk outdoors, a chat with a friend, a night out! Every feeling tells you something. In fact feelings are a bit like having a PA 🙂 This step may take a bit of time because you may need processing time and this leads to #3…

#3. What do you want to feel?

At this point you need to work with your feelings. There is no point in saying that you feel sad because of X and that you would prefer to feel happy. You cannot be happy until X is dealt with first. Think of how you can get to your desired state. Try not to let your feelings build up – a cocktail of feelings will lead to a hangover!

Some other nice points made where:

– Respect your feelings.

– Your feelings will get stronger as you recover.

– Don’t judge your feelings by what you think is ‘normal’.

– Remember tears are an emotional cooling system.

– Try not to describe your emotional reactions as ‘silly’. Your feelings are as valid as anyone else’s.

– Bring it to the surface so you can wipe it away.

Finally we were all lucky enough to get a bottle of bubbles and I have used mine every day so far. What a way to put a smile on your face!

Muddled