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Family, Friends and Eating
Distress
- If someone in a family
develops an Eating Distress
(ED), it is time to listen,
not to blame.
- Neither the sufferer
nor the family can be
blamed or criticised for
developing an ED.
- Families need to learn
about the ED in order to be
a positive support!!!
- A family’s
involvement can speed up
the process of recovery
greatly.
- Friends and family
members are often the
forgotten victims of ED. It
is often difficult for the
carer to know what to do
for the person or for
themselves.
- Work with ED Families
is a slow process that
involves a lot of
education, communication
and patience.
Family
The term ‘family’
describes ‘a unique
cluster of people who enjoy a
special relationship by reason
of love, marriage, procreation,
and mutual dependence.’
The family plays a primary role
in how we develop as a person
and how we see ourselves in
relation to other people. The
family acts as a ‘mini
-society’ with its own
governing system, politics,
economics, culture and beliefs.
Our experiences with how we
operate in this first structure
influences how we operate out
in the world because the family
is vital to helping to develop
belief systems and values.
However, this does not mean
that the family is responsible
for all developmental problems
that may emerge in a
person’s life.
There are no Typical ED
Families. The presence of an ED
in a family does NOT mean that
the family or its members are
dysfunctional! Over the years,
families have been studied and
re-studied to determine the
causes of ED. However, there is
nothing conclusive to say that
dysfunctional families breed
ED. Many sufferers come from
loving families without trauma
or upset.
There is no perfect family,
parent, sibling or environment.
The only conclusive absolute
that links sufferers is their
sensitivity. The negativity of
the sufferers’ condition
is similar, yet the sufferers
and their families and
environments are all unique and
individual. Work with the
family is firstly
educational. The key to
successful recovery is improve
their knowledge of the
condition.
Many family members enter
treatment with shame,
guilt and fear. In
the practitioner’s first
session with the family, it is
necessary to address the fears,
shame and guilt. Fear of the
ED, and shame and guilt for
causing it all get in the way
of helping to get rid of it!!
Fear usually effects boundaries
and rules. Parents are afraid
to set rules and/or boundaries
for fear that the sufferer will
react poorly. Therefore, they
become too flexible or too
rigid.
The most important thing to
impart on carers is to help
them to let go of trying to
change their loved one’s
behaviour. The family member
needs to come to terms with
understanding that they have
power only over their own
behaviour. Not understanding
this can set the family on a
dangerous course. If we only
concentrate on controlling the
eating behaviour, the EDistress
gets worse. Stressing that
carers need to care for
themselves just as much as they
do for the sufferer is a
difficult concept for most
family members. And, when they
understand in theory, it is
often difficult to put into
practice.
Research
A Study of Heablon and
Andersen/1981/ examined 73
consecutive ED families, more
than 2/3 showed not the
slightest sign of imbalance or
unhealthy functioning. Family
issues need to be addressed
through evaluation and
treatment. Relieving - burdens
of guilt - self -blame - Anger
and exhaustion.
Family Involvement in
Recovery
It is important for family
members to express concerns,
fears and observations, but in
a loving and non-judgemental
manner, even if this is not
received very well. Remind them
over and over not to give
up!
Denial is often the first
stage of the illness for the
sufferer. However, it is also
very present in the family.
Many family members do not want
to hear that recovery takes
time and needs the family
members to change. Thus, there
are many families that do not
want to be involved in the
treatment process.
However, it is necessary that
family and friends are at least
seen as trying to reach out to
a suffering loved one in order
to facilitate the person
getting help and support during
recovery. Often the fact that
family members make
appointments to learn about the
condition is a relief to
sufferers. On the surface, many
ED clients express resistance
to allowing their family
members and or carers’
involvement. Family members
must show their willingness by
making appointments taking a
stand.
Family members often think
that they are doing the right
thing when they ask how the
sufferer is feeling, or getting
on in therapy? It takes a long
time before the sufferer knows
the answer to these questions.
Therefore, these direct
questions asking how they are
doing can overwhelm them and
make them feel mis-understood.
It is up to the practitioner to
explain this to families and
sufferers. The practitioner
takes the responsibility from
the client to explain the
condition.
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