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Develop Patience With Yourself & Others

Patience is not the ability to wait, it is how we behave while we are waiting. J.Meyer

Little boy was travelling with his mother who was a little bit tired. He was asking her one question after another. Her patience finally run out and she shout at him,’’ Will you please stop and shut up!’’

The boy was looking at her surprised and sad. Than he snuggle to her and said calmly,

“Hello, mum, this is Robi, your little boy, do you remember?”

This story illustrates how people we care the most about can have a way of getting on our nerves. The more we are learning to be patient with ourselves the easier it will be to be patient with other people.

For more power, develop more patience. Patience brings optimism to sickness, calm to calamity and perseverance to poverty. Patience is unrestrained by intolerance, unmoved by reproach, unshaken by disaster, unbent by persecution. Patience cools the anger, bridles the tongue, restrain the hand. It endures hardship and builds anew. Patience looks to a new day with trust, and awaits the dawn with serenity.

Patience has such a power, let it work for you today.

Remembering that opportunities come to us when their time is right allows us to wait and trust.

When am I the most impatient with myself?

What frightens me about being patient?

Who is the person who is getting on your nerves? What is the reason?

Imagine you have a lot of patience with others. What do you have to do to make this happen?

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Written by Aurelia

Recovery class/group was about patience. I was glad this topic was raised.

Patience is about:

-slowing down

-respecting the process

-paying attention to the present

-surrendering to the situation

-making the best of whatever is happening

I believe we all have different innate levels of patience, but that patience can be learned! In condition I had zero patience. I had no tolerance for slow people on the path- get out of my way! I hated when people spoke slowly, or didn’t multitask- you’ve got two hands for a reason! I felt like crawling out of my skin when someone told a really long drawn-out story, losing interest in their ending because I was too focused on how this person was interrupting my busyness.

I have come to accept that I will likely always be a thinker. A fast thinker. Thoughts flying. And that’s ok! Most of us with condition are like this, and we learn to tone it down and reign it in a bit. But it’s not helpful to expect everyone else to speed up. It shows a lack of respect for the other person, they need to be allowed live at their own pace!

I used to find it intolerable standing on O’Connell Street waiting on my second bus for Saturday morning’s group. Such a ‘wasted’ 10-15 minutes of time! I’d feel this anxiety rise in my chest- oh god, I ‘should be’ doing something more productive. But now I stand there and enjoy the surroundings. You see so much more when you pay attention to the situation you are in, instead of trying to whip yourself into the next one. There’s a giant tree opposite the Gresham Hotel, and I was imagining what that tree must have seen over the years, all the changes to society and all the roadworks!

I used to have zero patience with myself and my recovery. I had this belief that I would pretty much recover overnight, sure hadn’t I decided? Recovery doesn’t work like that. It’s like making cheese, you have to let it mature! There’s no substitute for time in recovery, and you can make your time miserable with impatience if you want. Choices and all that!

It’s important to appreciate each little stage. Early stages of recovery was a time of great excitement, I realised that recovery exists, I started hearing all the good stuff, I was getting sheets about gratitude and credit, and I was frantic. I want it now. Now, now now!!! But then I realised that it takes time. That speaking the language of freedom isn’t an overnight job. And that was so disappointing. I’d stare at the recovered people thinking, well wasn’t it well for her- poor me back here in early stages. I forgot that they once were in early stages too! Practicing patience really helped me. Because each step on the way is important. There is much to learn- we need to open our eyes and our minds to what is happening TODAY!

I also had a lack of patience with other people. And still can. I need to remind myself that not everyone has the luxury of my learnings. My recovery is a huge gift, one I worked very very hard for, but it is a gift. I have the benefit of many realisations that other people might not have, and it’s important to remember that and be patient with other people. We are all doing our best.

Sometimes I get impatient with myself because I want to be further in my career, already married, already have babies, already have bought a house. But I realised I am wishing my life away! It will all happen in good time. There is plenty of time. Enough of the clock watching! I might as well enjoy being engaged, and enjoy that there’s no crying voice waking me at 6am on a Sunday morning. The goal posts move so fast sometimes. A few years ago I just wanted to get through college, recover, hold onto my boyfriend, have a regular period and a healthy body that would grow a baby. Society can put pressure on us to have ‘it all’ right now, but I don’t have to bend to that pressure. I can do my own thing, at my own pace. 

I realised too that impatience was a bit like that quote about thinking the grass is always greener on the other side. Nah, it’s greener where you water it. Same with impatience. When we’re impatient, we’re imagining something better exists somewhere else. But nope, here and now is good too! Search for the value in everyone and everything!

Here are some quotes about patience that I like:

Impatience can cause wise people do to foolish things.

You cannot force life to give you answers, you must allow them unfold before you.

Don’t rush things. Anything worth having is worth waiting for.

Aurelia

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