hope

A Child’s Logic

Written by Blue Iris Angel
Four feet smaller
And everything in between
Facing the ceiling at night
Close my eyes
Because the monsters couldn’t come out to play
If they couldn’t see me
Like hide and seek
When everything else was four feet taller

‘No one can see me if I can’t see them’

So I would take my hands
Cover my face
And hide away
From the world
Three heads taller
When the night light didn’t show the monster hiding in the corner

When he was tapping at the window

Hadn’t let him take the wheel yet
Head, never been so high
Never held it so low
Because now
Even when I close my eyes
The monster never goes
And he grows
Every time I feed him
He gets bigger
Until he eats me and everything around
Four feet taller and I still can’t stand my ground
Like the fairy
Who used to live in the wash basket
And steal a sock from each pair
The monster would sneak up to the attic
And steal the bubble wrap off my snow globe
So he could wrap it around me
Too quite for me to ever know
Until I couldn’t feel the sun on my face anymore
Because he had shaded me
Afraid one of us would get burned

Leaving the gloopy mess on my skin unused

A pale, blotchy child who smelt of summer
But then if a tear
Would go unrepaired
If anything, too sharp to not draw blood
Came, to leave me, four foot, balling
I never understood
Why I now felt so much pain
The bubble wrap had protected me

And the master’s little game

Anyone grown
Much older than me
Laughs at a little child’s logic
So did I
Until I realised
Children think and act in the simplest way
Their lives are a metaphor for the struggles we face
I now believe
No one grows out of their ‘childhood logic’
It just becomes saturated with complexity
Which makes it toxic
Children have no intellectual ego
They think with curiosity and wonder
And never let a question go
For so many years
I’ve spent with ‘me’
The same face in the mirror
Overlooked is the fact
I don’t know the person I see
And now with recovery
I hope to know this person
And not see the monster
Painting the glass
Or sheltereding me from the feelings I will learn to face
I hope to pace
Through the garden of ‘me’
Once more
But this time know what it is that I be

Like the trees

That were never too tall to climb
Until it came the time
To come down
The scariest steps we take in life
Are the ones we’ve already taken
But didn’t pay attention to before….
Blue Iris Angel