Written by Andrea
I REALISED I HAD TWO CHOICES…….to continue on as I was or to choose a way that I didn’t yet understand-a way with a shred of hope that things didn’t have to continue as they were.
The most I thought I could ever hope for was to control my condition, to learn to live with it and manage it. I never even knew there was a such thing beyond controlling it until I came across people who had recovered and were free.
Every shred of my being told me I couldn’t be one of them, that I was different. Logic told me I was no different that I was no different than those who recovered before me and I held onto that with every ounce of my strength.
Everything I once believed about me has been blown apart by my own recovery and my desire to rise above all that condition told me I wasn’t able to do.
A life that was once so void of experiencing real and genuine raw emotion is now brimming with a smile that often hurts my face, a laugh that makes my Tummy hurt and yes sometimes sadness of course. There will always be something that makes us sad but now I cry and I feel that sadness instead of hurting myself to block that sadness out.
Every single breath was darkened by the presence of this dark and malevolent shadow and now the shadow that I grew so used to seeing is gone.
I sometimes find it very difficult to put into words what my recovery has brought me because it’s simply too magnificent for words. To be unapologetically me is the best gift I have ever given myself. It is a choice. My recovery was something I achieved through hard work, determination and never letting go of that glimmer of hope.